A Hard Look at Comfort

Sometimes comfort is great and sometimes it’s really not. Let’s reflect!

On Tuesday, we had a double Taurus astrology moment: the new moon was in Taurus while the sun is also hanging out there. Tauruses know how to luxuriate in all of life’s pleasures. This season asks us to examine our relationship to pleasure and comfort and adjust any imbalances we find. The new moon tends to bring a reflective goal-making energy. All of this energy got me thinking about comfort in relationships.

A Highland coo for all of this Taurus energy. As a Taurus sun, I never felt connected to the Taurean bull until I saw a Highland coo. Now I get it.

One thing that really stood out to me when I started dating my ex-husband is how comfortable I felt with him. I know now the comfort I felt should’ve been a red flag. I was responding to a toxic dynamic from my childhood. Growing up, I learned that in order to receive love, I had to squash as many of my emotions and needs as possible. My ex needed a lot of space in the relationship, and it felt like home to be in a relationship where there was so little space for me.

On my healing journey, I had to practice being with the discomfort of disrupting our toxic cycle. It was hard to admit my needs to myself and even harder to share them with him.

A whole lot of healing later, I’m no longer interested in a relationship where there’s no space for me. I’m comfortable with naming my needs and emotions and expect them to be tended to by the folks I’m closest to. At the same time, there is a familiar ease to making myself small. It’s a tendency I still have to fight sometimes.

All of this to say, it’s worth taking stock of what relationship dynamics feel most comfortable to you. You might think about your relationships with your caregivers growing up and what relationships feel most comfortable or intimate to you now.

Reflection Questions:

What relationship dynamics and patterns feel most comfortable to you?

Is it comfortable because it’s healthy? Or comfortable because it’s toxic and familiar?

Tarot Spread:

To use this spread:

Shuffle your Tarot or oracle cards, setting the intention to explore the theme. Lay out three cards, left to right, as shown in the diagram. Starting with the card on the left, flip your cards over. Interpret each card based on the intention set for each card. Reflect on the guidance you’ve received.